we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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