this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
