Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
