I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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