the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
