you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
