3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
