Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
