i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
