just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you didnt know i had herpes?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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