He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
