you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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