I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
