I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
