she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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