I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
