just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
