the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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