we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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