Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
