your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
