so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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