I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
