Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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