My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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