Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
