I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize