I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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