So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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