Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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