thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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