I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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