Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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