Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
