I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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