i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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