Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
