Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
