My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
