My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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