i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
