i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
