I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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