non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
