So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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