is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
