whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
