Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
