I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
