Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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