p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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