god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
