You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
