Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
