Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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