my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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