I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
