No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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