you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my shit smells like andre
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
