i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
