Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
