Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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