btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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