So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
